Moving toward values

I believe that addicts who hit bottom and reach out for help have one thing in common: the way they are living runs against their most cherished values. Choices and actions run in opposite directions to what matters most to them. How often do we hear in recovery the story of how an addict has become ‘the person they never thought they would turn into’? A person looks into the mirror and they see a complete stranger look back. This fracture between being and doing, between true self and the broken self, can happen in sobriety as well.

I was over a year clean and sober when I hit a bottom. I had a choice between packing it in or getting help. I reached out and began working with a new counsellor. It must be challenging to counsel someone who has no idea who they have become. I think my counsellor made a wise decision: to start me working on discovering what values I want to live by. In the process, I found that my most cherished values were not what I expected. I’m so very grateful for this work, because I think my recovery might have sputtered and stalled had I not identified what was most important to me at this point in my life.

The values work brought me quite a few a-ha! moments—surprises that rattled long-held beliefs I had about myself and what actually matters to me. I also discovered that active addiction had kept me stuck in a feedback loop between discomfort and coping, while moving toward my values rarely appeared on my radar. This work gave me a north star at a time when I had no idea who I was anymore, or what I was living for. It remains one of the most simple yet powerful tools for change I have come across.